wat bout pragnant strippers??
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
