he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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