Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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