Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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