there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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