were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
