Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
