Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
