maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
