I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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