just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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