I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
