I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
