i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
