Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
How external is "for external use only"?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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