he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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