38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
