On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
