when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
