I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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