How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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