ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
