Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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