dude i'm inner monologue high
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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