those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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