I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
