I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
