He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
