my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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