people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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