pedialite and red bull = repair kit
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
