whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
