god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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