I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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