you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
