I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
