that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
