im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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