Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
