i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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