I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
