I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
