You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
