I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Randomize
