great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
