Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Im just a social blackout drinker.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just had sex on a roof
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
