the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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