Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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