Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
