is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Boobs speak an international language.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
