i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
