Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
