I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
